I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
