Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
