so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
