it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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