im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
