I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
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