I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Princesses don't give blow jobs
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Randomize
