I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
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