Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
