They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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