Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
i drank out of a bidet.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
