R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Randomize
