I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Randomize
