I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Randomize
