that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
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