ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
