Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Who wears a wallet chain?!
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
