if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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