I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
