So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
