I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
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