wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Randomize
