my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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