Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Randomize
