it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize
