you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
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