So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
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