why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Randomize
