Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
