I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
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