im drinking this country out of the recession.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
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