just tell him i said nine months
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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