That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize
