Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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