just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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