i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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