ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Randomize
