you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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