Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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