New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
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