my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
