then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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