we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Randomize