theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
How does one acquire holy water?
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
