Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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