First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
So many bounce houses so little time
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
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