Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Randomize
