I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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