i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Randomize
