Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Randomize
