i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
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