she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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