is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
